TheKid had dying rear for three days after consuming some takeout that was, as theKid would say, \u201csus.\u201d Lost four pounds. As a walking, talking, bouncing string bean, theKid does not have that to lose. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prior to the episodic runny butt had scheduled an appt to take theKid to a dietician, so the timing was, shall we say, \u201con point\u201d? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Apparently, I \u2014 the food parent \u2014 have been low-key starving theKid to death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My bad.\u00a0 So sorry.\u00a0 I apologize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was very nice, tho\u2019.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t get the sense she was all judgey-like, more that she was happy to help, and even happier that me and Half (as the parental unit) wanted to do better re theKid’s grub intake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Altho\u2019 Half threw me entirely under the bus \u2026 got smooshed by the wheels, intestines around the driveshaft, splatter on the front grille. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Done purely out of love, tho\u2019, so there\u2019s that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my defense, theKid didn\u2019t come with a manual. Should have \u2014 Parenting 101 for Complete Morons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me personally was raised on mangoes and rice cakes, and got fat drinking beer. Beer and cupcakes (mmm, cake<\/em>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Did get some (as the younglins say) \u201cprops doh\u201d \u2026 said the dinner meal was very good, so got one meal right. All the rest? Total fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too much processed food-like substances, not enough \u201creal\u201d food, like \u2026 nuts, and.\u00a0 Vegetables, and.\u00a0 Fruits, and.\u00a0 You get the idea.\u00a0 {Genesis 1:29<\/em>} Apparently, chicken nuggets and cup noodles do not qualify as \u201cfood.\u201d Go figure.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Went out and bought \u201coat milk.\u201d\u00a0 Didn\u2019t know oats could be milked \u2026 something new, every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lewis Black said it is actually \u201csoy juice\u201d but that just sounds so very not appetizing. \u201cOat juice\u201d? [shudder<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, and \u201cmindless eating\u201d is also a thing.\u00a0 Sitting with a screen in the face does not get the food into the mouth. \u00a0Kids will eat until not hungry, not actually until full.\u00a0 So complicated. Go figure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The familial unit now eats dinner together. At a table. With utensils. I feel almost grown up. Not quite, but almost. I thought the dinner table was for storing the mail and losing my keys. Go figure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Saw another bit of pointless fluff on the telervisions \u2026 How to shop for the best prices on \u2026 food things. The reporter visited about eighteen different stores to get the lowest price on single food objects, paying absolutely no attention to the gas costs related to traveling to umpteen-eleventy places for just … one \u2026 thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Twerpy idiots with unhelpful suggestions. Sounds a lot like life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Except for the dietitian. She was a prize. Hopeful theKid will gain like 300 pounds in the next three months and then she\u2019ll put us all a diet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The family that eats together \u2026 eats together. Yeh, so \u2026 yeh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Better space, tho\u2019 , which is good.\u00a0 And theKid put on three pounds in a week with a sustainable diet plan.\u00a0 I\u2019d say food works. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Go figure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" TheKid had dying rear for three days after consuming some takeout that was, as theKid would say, \u201csus.\u201d Lost four pounds. As a walking, talking, bouncing string bean, theKid does not have that to lose. Prior to the episodic runny butt had scheduled an appt to take theKid to a dietician, so the timing was, … <\/p>\n