How, exactly, did I get here? Boredom and indifference. And inattention. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now settled; moving on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mentioned earlier that my debt portfolio began at 18; that’s when I ran away and joined the Credit Circus, and got my very own debt monkey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Credit Circus \u2013 that magical trick of modern life, where we get to like stuff, take it home, use it, and discard it, all the while never having paid for it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One need only adopt a debt monkey, and the Credit Circus gives them away for free. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I loved my debt monkey; he was cute, and furry, and he smiled a lot. He smelled wild but I kind of liked it. Together, we played with all the shiny things. My debt monkey made me feel like adulting might not be so bad, that it could be a lot of fun, and wasn\u2019t as tough as the parents said it was. I fully believed that joining the Credit Circus and having my own debt monkey was Adulting 101. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One problem \u2026 I don\u2019t know how to train a debt monkey, or exactly what to feed it. I didn\u2019t get the owner\u2019s manual, or even a list of helpful tips. I saw other people with their debt monkeys — some played with them, some put them to work — but in my family the debt monkeys just ran wild. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[I do recall a period of time when my parents’ monkey was placed in a cage, only fed a certain amount for some years, but even after that the monkey still ate too much … moving on] <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, I would just feed my debt monkey and let it play. Worked for some years, buuut \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, I have found \u2026 well, no need to get into grisly specifics just yet \u2013 for descriptive purposes let\u2019s say over the years my debt monkey has grown from Bubbles to Clyde to Kong \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No names, please, just type and general amounts, purely for statistical purposes, and to gain an appreciation for the total overall simian dimensions \u2026 [drumroll]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Say hello to my \u2026 personal<\/em> \u2026 debt monkey \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n WOW gotta Silverback! even so, they too can be hunted to extinction, and King Kong got shot off the Empire State. Let\u2019s begin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n One really good thing, tho\u2019 \u2013 to a monkey, all bananas taste the same \u2026 just need to stop feeding it so much. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Thus far, I\u2019ve fed my monkey almost a quarter mil \u2026 that\u2019s just personal debt. Not the house; Half did that. Buuut it does include a student loan, and I\u2019m actually earning money in my field of academic debt \u2026 not the preferred one a\u2019cours but close enough. And there are literally mil-lee-yawns<\/em> of folks w\/6-figure debt in classical studies working retail. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So that\u2019s something ELSE to be thankful for … “Lord, thank You … You just let Your hits keep coming … [grins stoopitly] please please please keep on keeping on!” <\/p>\n\n\n\n First things first, I must accept my responsibility as the ringleader of the Credit Circus. The acts are different for everyone; thus, the key to an excellent performance is realizing and recognizing \u2026 this is my show. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Your debt monkey needs you to feed it. Although it would be nice, you can\u2019t let your monkey starve because then you<\/em> might not eat, and with smart training your debt monkey can be used to feed you. [Prov. 12:24<\/em>] <\/p>\n\n\n\n But! Without a debt monkey, you cannot perform in the Credit Circus, and you get to sit in the audience and watch … which is actually better\/smarter from a personal wellness standpoint (no debt\/no stress\/no monkey\/no poo) … buuut if no one performs in the Credit Circus … and no one adopts their own debt monkeys … there is no show … no one eats, and we all starve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Um. That will be a nothankyouthanks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So the question becomes \u2013 how to feed the debt monkey? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Because at this point \u2026 debt is life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you rent or lease \/ landlord \u2026 if you own \/ mortgage&property taxes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Grow your own food? Seeds and soil. Even nudists need shoes and winter coats. <\/p>\n\n\n\n @some point, the human body will<\/em> malfunction … & unless the error is terminal the repair will cost something to fix. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Solution? Just stop feeding the monkey. Wait, what? Didn’t you just say\u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yup. Although the mere fact of simply being alive costs something<\/em> (the \u2026 a-hem<\/em> \u2026 \u201ccost of living\u201d) a lot of what I feed my debt monkey \u2013 while not totally eliminate-able (nue wurd!) \u2013 can be minimized or mitigated to a huge extent, just by leashing the monkey tight and controlling everything it eats. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A budget can help with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I don\u2019t do budgets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n HahahaHAAA<\/p>\n\n\n\n Forget a budget. Budgets don\u2019t work. Everybody hates budgets. People cringe at just the wuuurd<\/em> “budget.” Budgets are a joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Know why budgets don\u2019t work? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Because money ain\u2019t math. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How, exactly, did I get here? Boredom and indifference. And inattention. Now settled; moving on. Mentioned earlier that my debt portfolio began at 18; that’s when I ran away and joined the Credit Circus, and got my very own debt monkey. The Credit Circus \u2013 that magical trick of modern life, where we get … <\/p>\nType of Debt<\/u><\/em><\/td> TotalDebt<\/u><\/em><\/td> MinMonthPay<\/u><\/em><\/td><\/tr> Hold my beer<\/td> $65,000<\/td> $375<\/td><\/tr> Wow, really? #1<\/td> $64,000<\/td> $750<\/td><\/tr> Seriously \u2026 ? #2<\/td> $38,000<\/td> $1225<\/td><\/tr> Years of monkey play<\/td> $19,700<\/td> $650<\/td><\/tr> New monkey\/fresh scent<\/td> $17,500<\/td> $325<\/td><\/tr> Monkey fun #1<\/td> $9,000<\/td> $200<\/td><\/tr> Monkey fun #2<\/td> $4,000<\/td> $100<\/td><\/tr> Monthly monkey<\/td> $2,750<\/td> $2750<\/td><\/tr> Did we really buy that, monkey?<\/td> $2,000<\/td> $150<\/td><\/tr> Silly monkey, why?<\/td> $600<\/td> $100<\/td><\/tr> Gorilla of Foolishness<\/td> $222,550.00<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/td> $6625.00<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n