Save a little. Spend a little. Shelter a little from the storm.
Somewhere amongst and amidst these pages I mentioned that both Half and I are products of divorce, and also that Half’s money marriage is loving and supportive, with a debt monkey trained extremely well.
As a matter of fact, Half’s debt monkey is at work right now, sweating in a wheel somewhere, while mine is flinging poo against the blinds and rubbing its crotch on the furniture.
Accordingly, in order to deflect blame for my own financial irresponsibility I believe I’ll castigate Half for being instilled with better money sense.
Or not. Half’s youth was definitely more … maturing than mine, and (maybe as a result I think yes I’m comfortable assuming that) Half has developed a very keen sense of the immense potential held within a dollar, whereas me/myself/I – raised in a household with that delightful verisimilitude of economic stability and financial health – believed that / erroneously, I yes I now see that yes / “money” was, in fact [but ahHA!oopsnot] math, and that as long as I’m meeting the minimums I’m doing just fine.
The Tao of Half disconnected with me because the very premise implies hoarding cash for a rainy day and restricting use of and access to funds.
No.
I like using the money for the things, all the things.
Because money is not stuff. Money is the ability to get stuff, and to get other people to do stuff for you that you either won’t/can’t do for yourself.
“Stuff” is the … well, stuff that seems to make it all worth it … the ever-increasing cost of everything (explain please again why rent on a storage unit would go up every year?), the taxes, the bad traffic, simply sharing the world with other people who lack manners, sense, and respect for personal space … “stuff” is the adult fun, the very enjoyment in being an adult, the carrot to go along with the stick.
You follow the rules—most of them, anyway—you get stuff.
You don’t, you get to pick through trash that was formerly other people’s stuff.
But what, exactly, is “money”?
Well it ain’t just paper and metal, crinkle & clink … it’s not currency … it’s not moolah … it’s not cash.
Came across a pretty word the other day … “seigniorage.” Pronounced “seen-yor-age,” and defined as the Gub’mnt’s profit from the sale of the “money” it … prints? manufactures? invents? creates? … to banks, that are swapped out to you in exchange for the numbers shown on the screen hidden behind the counter or on other little paper rectangles.
Basically, it costs the government the same to … do … what … it … does … to … “make?” … “money?” … whether it’s a $1 or a $100 – it’s all the same magic paper/metal and pennies cut most of the copper in 1982 – but can charge the banks “seigniorage” based on the face value imprinted on the crinkle & clink. It is guuud to be the Gub’mnt.
And because, well, believe it or not wait you believe it because you were THERE and because GOD! has always had our entire back, front, top, bottom, inside and out … I don’t worry about the rainy day, and I don’t fear the storm.
I attended school outside my current state of residence (although I have always lived my adult life in the state of debt bah-dum-pum) and there, there were tornado warnings, with pretty, purple-yellow skies marched with bright flashes of lightning.
I only know the color of the sky during an active tornado warning because I stood in front of a large picture window and watched the storm approach … while on the phone with an acquaintance … who was then cowering in the bottom of a closet.
And I’m not fatalistic – I’m faith-alistic (aHA!) and I know that whatever GOD! has planned for me He has for me, and His plan is infinitely, eternally, better than mine.
Nnnaaahhhooowww … that doesn’t mean I’m always obedient, or humble, or even nice. See above: I like that I’m a horrible person. Perhaps work on an actual definition of that later … but I’m never intentionally nasty, I have a strong sense of empathy, and I sincerely believe every home should have at least one dog, specifically a pit bull—oh wait, excuuuse me. American Staffordshire Terrier. Best. Dogs. Ever. There will be video.
Digress
I don’t worry about the storm so I don’t save for rainy days. BUT! I have a joke …
A man sits in his house, watching the news. The river is rising, and the town is going to flood. The man sends a strong prayer to God, asking Him to save his life. Suddenly, a knock at the door – it’s the police in a Hummer. They say, “C’mon, sir, we’ve got to go. The river is rising, and the town is going to flood.” The man waves the police away. “It’s all right. Help someone else. God is going to save me.” The police ask if the man is certain, and he sends them away.
After the police leave, the river rises, and water floods the first floor of the man’s house. As he moves upstairs, the man sends a strong prayer to God, asking Him to save his life. Suddenly, as he reaches his bedroom, he sees a boat floating by the window. It’s soldiers from the National Guard. They say, “C’mon, sir, we’ve got to go. The river is rising, and the town is going to flood.” The man waves the soldiers away. “It’s all right. Help someone else. God is going to save me.” The soldiers ask if the man is certain, and he sends them away.
After the soldiers leave, the river rises, and water floods the second floor of the man’s house. As he climbs out onto the roof, the man sends a strong prayer to God, asking Him to save his life. Suddenly, as he looks up, he sees a helicopter above him. It’s the Coast Guard. They say, “C’mon, sir, we’ve got to go. The river is rising, and the town is going to flood.” The man waves the Coast Guard away. “It’s all right. Help someone else. God is going to save me.” The Coast Guard asks if the man is certain, and he sends them away.
After the helicopter flies away, the river continues to rise, the water covers the roof, the man drowns, and he dies.
Later, the man wakes up in heaven, and meets Christ Jesus. The man falls on his face, and thanks Him, and then asks, “Lord, thank You for Your blessing! I am so happy to be here. I do have one question, though.”
The Lord tells the man, “Ask away.”
The man says, “Lord, I prayed to you; why didn’t You save me from the flood?”
The Lord says, “I sent you a Hummer, a boat, and a helicopter. What else did you want? Wings?” The Lord then leans in a little closer with a smile. “And you’re welcome for those, too.”
Lesson to learn? Recognize your blessings. Remember what you asked for / prayed for … then pay attention.
GOD! sends every bit of help you need, and it’s up to you to accept it. {Lamentations 3:40} Or not. On you how to live your life, and how to deal with the consequences of choice.
Ultimately? Life is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Adulting 101