Human bodies are gross. Odors and viscous liquids and dead cell clusters burrowed in the skin … yeh.
So, gotta handle that, not necessarily for others but to tolerate yourself. Ultimately, the body reaches a rubicon of funk, and the human either must bathe or … surrender to filth. {Lev. 22:6} And then there is sickness. And then there is more cost. Eventually, every homeless person winds up in the ER.
So, again, human bodies are gross. But maintaining them is fairly easy. And can be cheap.
Toiletries & Unguents, for appearance’s sake … a little water, some soap, deodorant, and toothpaste (brush? no–use. your. finger!) can mitigate many, many problems of the human disgusting BUT! – as with everything – there is a cost.
So, wonder of wonders, the Lord gives us … the dollar store. Yes, $.99 for everything, plus tax a’cours, ‘cuz stuff has to cost more than the actual stuff because Gub’mnt … so, yeh.
BUT! considering the alternative MadMax dystopian slaughterdome … come on April 15th!
There was a point—oh! there it is eventually everyone simply must do something about that must… ahem.
Soap, deodorant, toothpaste … however.
Others may be able to maintain their vanity at this level … me/myself/I/we/all of us need a little bit … more. Shampoo is kind of a start. And soap on hair means dry, broken, and bald … heyyy … waitaminnit … now THERE’S an idea … just get rid of hair altogether! Still have to shave, tho’, and some basic level of objective, personal attraction must be met to remain within the confines of marriage (bulletheads are just not sexy) there’s that, so … guess … shampoo.
Most adult people grow too much hair on, in, and around inconvenient bodily places, and in order to present a certain façade of civility choose to shave (razor, foam, pomades … kah-ching!) … get a hair cut/style (barber/salon … kah-ching!) … and conceal any lingering odours with perfumed oils and greases (cologne, lotions, sprays … kah-ching!)
So that is there. And women. What a nightmare. Face (pretty, or close as can … kah-ching!) … skin (clear, smooth, soft … kah-ching!) … hair (coiffed, plush, shiny … kah-ching!) … nails (polished, feminine … kah-ching!) … teeth (white, intact, no unsightly gaps … kah-ching!) … tooter (trimmed/groomed/bald, clean, squishy, fresh … kah-ching!) … body (fit, tight, lean, no undesirable lumps, bumps or bulges … kah-ching!) … overall (always her absolute physical, visual, olfactory best … kah-ching!) … right.
I suppose a really determined woman could focus all her funds on debt repaying and forgo her looks – “beast mode” redefined – but divorce is expensive, blood sets, and most single girls still want to have fun. So that’s there.
So! Again, the 7Qs helpfully remind us not to spend like a dumbass, and to strategically spend when spend we must on the Vanity MainTain … the rules still apply.
How to spend
(Strategically? / Scattershot?)
When to spend
(Designated Days? Off-schedule?)
Where to spend
(Deal? Discount? Better buy elsewhere?)
What to spend
(Now $$$? Then $$$?)
Why to spend
(Need? Want? Bored?)
Which to spend?
(Cash? Monkey?)
Who to spend?
(For you? For not you? Do you know?)
Buying cologne/perfume? Hit the drug store or carnival mall rather than the mall or retail kiosk …
Time for some hair care? Again, seeking out deals on haircuts at chain locations or discounts on styling products at drug stores, smaller retailers can be helpful to reduce spending …
Need to replace the makeup? One more time … drug stores, the $.99 store, bigbox discount stores, online … and nothing new, only replacements until that monkey shrinks down from silverback to tarsier …
Always look for a better price before spending … shop around/wait to buy … shop around/wait to buy … shop around/wait to buy … delay gratification and seek out less expensive, equally effective options before actually buying and AVOID FEEDING THE DEBT MONKEY ON THE VANITY MAINTAIN … use cash/cash cards, ‘cuz using future money to pay for old deodorant makes no sense, even to me.
AND I’M SLOW.