Rather than ask Half tends to manipulate me into position. Which is annoying, but I suppose well-deserved.
Without adequate incentive I tend to … perch.
Feeling no real need to go anywhere. Everything necessary and right and good is between these four walls. If Half chooses to explore the great outdoors – have@, be right here ‘til you get back.
Not a big fan of the world, too peopley [stole that thankwho] but sitting in the house and staring at screens and buying crap with a click is not a viable solution either, so … what. Ooo. A blllaaawwwggg. Right.
I’m helping people. That I don’t have to meet. I like that. That fits me. So … away we go!
Where was I—Half. Best thing ever happened to me.
And the worst.
A very cold truth: I should have stayed single and not … inflicted myself on a much better person. Should have avoided the whole spouse+offspring until I resolved my relationship with money.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda … didn’t, won’t, can’t.
Problem is—I didn’t know I had a problem.
I knew I had debt. Had debt since I was 18, beginning in/with college. Had the credit card panoply (V/MC/AE x2? x3?) and was racking it up with a spring in my heart and a song in my step.
Parents gifted a car for yay!BA! so no debt there (yet), graduated with school debt, got a job, got some more debt, free car died so got a car with debt, was renting, so no debt there, but making the payments on all the debt so … what. Living the dream. Debt is life.
Moving along, greeted Half, and when we cleave I’m riding about $30K total, thought no big deal because working a $80K job. So … what.
Isn’t this how it is supposed to work? Money comes in (earned/income) and then money goes out (expenses/outgo). I get that. So … what?
Seems the problem may stem from the fact that the money that goes out must at least match that which comes in, but see, I don’t have to do that because, you know, debt.
I live very comfortably outside means (work+money+debt) for an extended period of time until, finally, inevitably, the outgo exceeds the income, large amounts have to paid back within smaller time periods, most of it gets paid off or substantially down, and then begins all over again.
What I never ever got before (oh I got it now! squint/lipsnarl) was that the income earned today is not for today but for the future; that is, present money – money in hand – is not intended for present use.
Debt means you’re in hock to future you, paying money today on crap from two (ten?) years ago you likely don’t use/like/want/need/can find/etc.
You are standing on a road. Behind you is the path you have already made for yourself. You made that path with your money – money earned, money gifted, money borrowed, money stolen – and your money will make the path in front of you. The more money you can get, the wider, faster and smoother the path will be made before you. Your ability to move forward depends on your ability to get money; if access to money is limited, restricted, or cut off, moving forward becomes difficult if not impossible, and the world will let you rot on the road.
I get it. Gotta spend today’s money – money in hand – with an eye on the future … to building the road … to avoid paying for your past with money earned in the present. Your food and housing should already be paid for, that path should already be laid.
And I should have rotted on that road a long time ago but Half has propped me up for years … until Half finally threw up Half’s hands and said, “Done.”
In fact, over the last year(s?), Half has gotten increasingly shrill when it comes to dealing with me and money, so much so that – while we’re legally financially bound I need to get my tish together because Half has had enough.
So … oops. Welcome to Adulting 101.
Totally fair, totally justified, totally too long in coming, so … yeh.
Gotta recognize that money is more important to Half may be more so than me – which actually makes sense. If the marriage dies the bills live on, so to speak. And I’m the other half. So … yeh.
But y’know … ‘til death. Both latchkey products of multi-state divorce, neither one of us believes in it (altho’ Half’s wanderings&wonderings do cause me ponder) and we have a pretty good, fairly awesome marriage (aside from me and Half more than makes for that) so I am a lucky, lucky, blessed, fortunate me.
Therefore, due to, because of, here we have motivation #1 to get the money marriage right – Half.
Please note: I fully acknowledge the following – Half is waaay better than deserve. A fabulous person, a better parent, a greater individual, in every way. [Funny haha – GOD! set us up. Great story; excellent blogfood to come … ] Where—yes. Half is a much better person than I deserve.
Nevertheless! I will complain vehemently about Half. I will marginalize Half. I will resent that Half is right about … whatever, because I am a horrible person. I fully acknowledge that as well. However, I actually enjoy being a horrible person; briefly, as stated above, the world is too peopley, and my dislike for other humans has been complemented beauuutifully by the pandemic. To quote Dave Chappelle: “Thank GOD! for Covid.”
However, I am attempting to be a better person because theKid asked. More on that too.
A la a blaaawwwggg (I’ll stop that at some point, but not yet I’m still feeling derisive) and putting a tiny, dissected piece of myself out in the intersphere internet places EVERYWHERE FOREVER WITH ELECTRICITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE along with my first world problems (*altho’ after the 6th, isn’t the US officially a banana republic? but their cashmere is FIRE digress) to try to fix me (no I will not “do” therapy because that involves another person are you not listening) so I can be and present a better, improved version, put in the effort to use my powers of evil for good.
I’m not a bad person, just a horrible one, but I would like to help. And sometimes I’m smart.
I simply do not believe that I am the only person who doesn’t get Dave Ramsey or Suzie Ormond or any of the other standard financial guru advice. I mean, I get it, but I don’t. So, I don’t. But I do. But again, money ain’t math.
Am I addicted to spending? Ha! Nope. Bored. And the money is just sitting there, every day, doing nothing. What else is it supposed to do?
Pay for the future. So … hmmm.