Told dog I was going to kill him, and now he’s angry with me. 

Wait / OK / first, let me explain myself.

Dog is 14 years old.  Dog should not have lived past 7, according to the learned life expectancy of dog’s breed. 

Don’t get me wrong; dog is awesome.  Great personality, still prances at 14 (well, kinda, used to …) Best. Dog. Ever.

Dog had an … issue over Fire July weekend (more to come) and the vets were overburdened, what with the boom and bangs that terrify dog’s pals.  So couldn’t get dog into vet to see about dog’s … issue. 

Since Half (dog belongs to Half) likes to avoid unpleasantness … like pet death … I told Half (within earshot of dog) that I was going to have dog “put down” after the holiday.

Miraculously, dog’s issue resolved.  But now, dog has attitude. 

Carlin referred to pets as “small tragedies,” which they are.  Animals/pets bring all sorts of joy into one’s life … but those bah-nastards COST. 

Dog needs meds ‘cuz dog gets … itchy and gross and infected.  So the meds are $200 a pop.  HAHAHAHA at least we won’t treat for cancer.  So between dog’s meds and special food (yeh that too) there’s costs associated with dog that won’t be if dog is dead.

Dog does not appreciate such sacrifices.  Dog only knows that other half was planning to kill dog.

Lesson learned?  Dogs speak English.   

Other lesson?  Pet insurance.  Heard it recommended.  Also heard it was a waste of money.  Hmmm …

Guess it depends on medical needs of pets.  Carlin called them “small tragedies” which is exactly accurate, unless one has an African grey parrot or great tortoise as a house companion.  Then they need a bequest in the will.

Heidi Fleiss had birds.  She was also going to start a stud farm (Stud Farm?) in Nevada, near the Bunny Ranch.

Genius woman.  Too bad she’s criminal minded, and the Gub’mnt doesn’t like her. 

Oldest profession in the whole, wide world.  There are hoo-ars in the Bible … matter fact {Gen. 38:15} … man thought his daughter-in-law was a harlot … she wasn’t … but he lied … but there were some women around who covered their face [makeup? hmmm] … so there’s that.

Digress

Point being, pets are great but they cost money, as in food and shelter and meds and care and … BUUUTTT … cheaper than a kid or a spouse, so there’s that.

Sooo … point being?  To avoid debt, get a dog.  Dogs are better (ever seen a cat on the side of the road with a houseless person & a sign? Noofcoursenot because cats / don’t / care) but plan for death and mourning. And a new dog. SHELTER!!!