TheKid had dying rear for three days after consuming some takeout that was, as theKid would say, “sus.”  Lost four pounds.  As a walking, talking, bouncing string bean, theKid does not have that to lose. 

Prior to the episodic runny butt had scheduled an appt to take theKid to a dietician, so the timing was, shall we say, “on point”? 

Apparently, I — the food parent — have been low-key starving theKid to death.

My bad.  So sorry.  I apologize.

She was very nice, tho’.  Didn’t get the sense she was all judgey-like, more that she was happy to help, and even happier that me and Half (as the parental unit) wanted to do better re theKid’s grub intake.

Altho’ Half threw me entirely under the bus … got smooshed by the wheels, intestines around the driveshaft, splatter on the front grille. 

Done purely out of love, tho’, so there’s that.

In my defense, theKid didn’t come with a manual.  Should have — Parenting 101 for Complete Morons.

Me personally was raised on mangoes and rice cakes, and got fat drinking beer.  Beer and cupcakes (mmm, cake).

Did get some (as the younglins say) “props doh” … said the dinner meal was very good, so got one meal right.  All the rest?  Total fail.

Too much processed food-like substances, not enough “real” food, like … nuts, and.  Vegetables, and.  Fruits, and.  You get the idea.  {Genesis 1:29} Apparently, chicken nuggets and cup noodles do not qualify as “food.” Go figure. 

Went out and bought “oat milk.”  Didn’t know oats could be milked … something new, every day.

Lewis Black said it is actually “soy juice” but that just sounds so very not appetizing.  “Oat juice”? [shudder]

And, and “mindless eating” is also a thing.  Sitting with a screen in the face does not get the food into the mouth.  Kids will eat until not hungry, not actually until full.  So complicated. Go figure.

The familial unit now eats dinner together.  At a table.  With utensils.  I feel almost grown up.  Not quite, but almost.  I thought the dinner table was for storing the mail and losing my keys.  Go figure. 

Saw another bit of pointless fluff on the telervisions … How to shop for the best prices on … food things.  The reporter visited about eighteen different stores to get the lowest price on single food objects, paying absolutely no attention to the gas costs related to traveling to umpteen-eleventy places for just … one … thing.

Twerpy idiots with unhelpful suggestions.  Sounds a lot like life.

Except for the dietitian.  She was a prize.  Hopeful theKid will gain like 300 pounds in the next three months and then she’ll put us all a diet.

The family that eats together … eats together.  Yeh, so … yeh.

Better space, tho’ , which is good.  And theKid put on three pounds in a week with a sustainable diet plan.  I’d say food works.

Go figure.