Many, many wise ways to resolve outstanding debts … many, many wise minds on debt repayment, or as discussed previously … debt satisfaction … and although none thus far have worked for me, you (as an Other Person) might benefit.  I’m just trying to help, Ike. 

Only one real strategy to train the debt monkey – don’t spend if spend spend smart – but the first, primary, initial (seminal? moneyshot!) step is to (1) find out what you owe and (2) who you owe it to … only real way to satisfy your debt is if you know what it is (YEH I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!  Not an Other Person you, the you in this chair with the flippy fingers YEH YOU got to talk to people and the ones in our head don’t count) and knowing the size of the monkey is important … must have the right ammo to blow it off the Empire State.

So!  Without further ado (much ado, always ado) … a few strategies, techniques, methods to the madness of debt:

Debt Snowball

Everyone has heard of this … smallest to largest with the payments rolled in to the next debt once prior debt is paid off … which would be great if life didn’t insist on happening, like, every day … nice idea, doesn’t work.  Immediate correction:  works for some, not for me, anyway, because … well … look …

Slight point of clarification:  MinMonthPay is not the minimum monthly payment due to creditors but rather the minimum payment each month that is ideal to my tortured and twisted mind … Those numbers represent the amount of rotten fruit I’d like to feed my monkey each month … not that I actually do.  Just riding the credit card carousel right now (maybe not the future now of an Other Person, but this right now of our right now) and we’re scrinching our face at this so … debt snowball really works if you don’t have to eat or drive or pay for anything, so Next up?

Debt Snowflake

Almost precious … any extra money (HA!extra? where’s that?) goes towards debt repayment … Save $2 from a coupon?  That $2 goes towards whichever debt … yehno.  Half does this, will send $0.47 payment and then check the balance … nuts, and genius.  Me/myself/I do not pay attention to the size of the debt monkey; rather, I consider which limb to amputate.

Debt Avalanche

Here, just make the minimums on all debts, then circle back with any funds remaining (after living expenses and ER funds) dedicated to debts with the highest interest rates.  I like it.  I like it a lot.  Won’t work tho’ … key phrase “after living expenses” … expenses of living = HAHAHA-ahHAHAHAHAHA may have/not mentioned a corona pay cut?  Yes that too. Making it work w/current paper rectangle, but extra?  Still selling Euphoric stuff … still don’t spending … still if spending then asking the 7Qs of smart spending before spending smart … but it’s going to take some time.

Ergo / to wit: this blog.  MRCH to come

The current approach?  Debt Slush – the debt that vexes.  Now someone else has called this something else but that I care not works this for me … due to the increasing levels of hostility experienced as a result of our … debt revelation, as it were … I feel an inordinate amount of anger (all the grrrs) towards certain debts more than other debts … some pieces of my monkey smell more than others … and that is Motivation #3 – Butcher the Monkey.

Not that homelessness isn’t a great incentive to get it right and stay there, however prior to reaching that particularly unique circle of haich-ee-double-hockey-sticks there are mini-marts to rob and old people over which to knock, and thus the findwayfeedself situation would be resolved via the ol’ tried & true “three hots & a cot.”  

And yes I have heard that institutionalized food is comparable to garbage but it is served on a tray.  So there.

Divorce is expensive & I will miss theKid, but hey … consequences & repercussions.

BUT! rather than prison I choose to butcher my monkey.  Into bits.  While it screams …

Well?

It was fun at first but now it has simply eaten too much … time for a monkey potato